Disable incessant nagware popups

I don't know about everyone else, but I am sick and tired of the nagware pop ups in Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, etc. Every single product harasses me with pop ups trying to tell me "hey, did you know this feature was here?", "you can do this if you click that", "let me hold your hand through using products you've used for decades even though you don't want daddy Microslop to do that". 

This is a prime example. 

I keep getting the same ones again and again and again and everything I've read indicates they should only appear once. But they don't. They keep coming back like a psychotic stalker ex who wants alimony even though you were never married. How do I get this nagware to stop?!