Help! Can't get my Debian GNOME desktop to consume more than 512MB RAM on idle — need it to hit 6GB+

I'm trying my hardest to bloat my Debian GNOME desktop install to consume 6 or more gigabytes of RAM on startup, but I can't seem to get past 512MB idle usage. Any tips? I tried finding bloating scripts, but to my surprise, none seem to exist. It seems people actually want more RAM available rather than less??

I just want a clumsily designed, sloppy, and infuriating desktop experience that harvests all my personal data and stores it in a huge JSON blob cached in RAM, which then gets sent off to some imbecillionaire company that hasn't shipped a good line of code in 35 years. Please send it over cleartext as well. Please also make me pay for a license... no wait, I want to subscribe to my desktop on top of offering my personal data. How can I get ads in my start menu? Ads that aren't even personalized to me? Ads that lock up my start menu entirely? Can I please just get one file browser lockup, right in the middle of a meeting if possible? Can I get 5 diffrent versions of Teams and skype? If someone removes any please make so they all come back after an update?

This dumb Linux kernel properly separates user space from kernel space. Where's the "security hypervisor"? I need something to protect me from myself, and how do I even know it's running if it's not dropping half my frames in Borderlands 3? Is this something I can enable in Debian?

And if only there were a way to encrypt my hard disk without even wanting to, and have it send my disk encryption keys to every three-letter agency in existence? Can you have the OS clear my TPM randomly for no reason and make it so only three letter agencies have access to my hard disk recovery keys in case of an emergency?

Please, I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong here. I spent so much money on a modern computer and it's TOO FAST. If only there were a way to slow it down to the pace of a system from 15 years ago. I want to feel like im dragging a massive sack of door knobs whenever im using my computer.