New Partner Signup for Company Stuck in catch 22 loop

I want to start by saying that I've had the displeasure for more than a decade as a developer publishing apps on the fruit company and lil green robot company's platforms without anywhere as close to the amount of user confusion and dead ends as here on Microsoft. 

I started my user journey to sign up for a company account at https://storedeveloper.microsoft.com/en-US/onboarding

After a few steps I was delightfully greeted with this, despite being obviously logged into the account to even access these forms: 

I later found out that the account maybe needs to be re-verified since the platform might not share verification state with the windows live account. After verifying my email again, I fill out all my company info with DUNS number and opt to import all info. Therefore negating any risk of mismatch between whats in DUNS and what's entered. 

I'm then shown this. 

So I'm honestly incredibly confused here. If we believe the yellow warning box, then there is nothing to do and the application is closed. But then the red text says pending partner action, that I have things to do. But if I go to the legal info page, I see that I have actions to do. What those are I have no idea

Ok so at this point I obviously start searching for support routes. 
We have two avenues that I've seen mentioned over and over in: https://techcommunity.microsoft.com/discussions 

Option A How to appeal a rejected partner profile in the verification process | Microsoft Community Hub 

Option Bhttps://partner.microsoft.com/en-us/support?stage=1 

According to option A, an employment verification failure is when I can't confirm that the email domain is owned by the company. After following links, I'm led to 

https://learn.microsoft.com/en-us/partner-center/enroll/verification-responses#check-your-verification-status 

According to this document, I'm to click the "Resolve" button to begin dragging documents in. 

Except in reality, the version of the site Im seeing has a get support button

which takes me to : 

https://learn.microsoft.com/en-us/partner-center/support/report-problems-with-partner-center 

Im now shown two more options to resolve things myself. 

Option #1:
use the ai assistant. But the Ai Assistant flow requires a workspace which I don't have. I presume because I don't have a valid account. Therein creating a catch22

Option#2: Use traditional support: 

Except the ? button is not there in my portal:

What is going on here? What am I supposed to be doing to resolve this? What a strenuous career it is that I’ve chosen! I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.