Dell's "We Disabled Undervolting for Your Safety" Joke

My Dell laptop consistently throttles performance under moderate workloads, and I've discovered that undervolting has been disabled in a recent BIOS update under the guise of "security" and "safety." This effectively leaves me with no way to manage thermals, forcing the system to run hotter and slower than it should, as if Dell has intentionally bricked my laptop's cooling solution.