Why Can't I Get These VERY Basic Calculations

eliotjconnor 

Excerpted from all that you've written:

Alternatively, I guess, he could be wrong here. But I’ve used excel for three days, and he teaches with it. So I’m going to assume that he’s right and I’m wrong unless/until people tell me differently.

As someone who used to teach diagnostic thinking (finding the cause for a deviation from expectations or "norm"), it seems to me that you've pretty effectively eliminated most (if not all) of the alternative explanations. And, consistent with solid diagnostic thinking, you correctly state "I'm going to assume that he's right and I'm wrong." That indeed is an assumption. The next step in good diagnostic thinking is to check out our assumptions to verify one way or the other whether the assumption is valid. Yes, he could be wrong, or at least, the data that he's given you as his results could be off. That IS an entirely reasonable hypothesis. It deserves to be subjected to validation (or invalidation).

You're clearly very  bright--the way you've written is evidence supporting that. Clear and thorough. I get the same 1.001 that you get in my Excel. Frankly, from all you've said, I see no reason to suspect that Excel--or your use of it--is at fault.

The sad thing is that you've pretty much eliminated other hypotheses and, for those of us who would be willing to spend time to help, you've effectively cut off steps to check a very reasonable hypothesis. You haven't specifically, explicitly rejected the notion of asking fellow students what they're experiencing, but not wanting to be an insensitive jerk myself, I won't give that advice. 

I'm eager to see what others come up with.

By the way, if you could attach actual documents (the PDF, any Excel sheets), or place them on OneDrive or GoogleDrive, that could help us do some more diagnostic work. Images are good, but have their limits.